Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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