I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Plan B is the new Plan A
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
