Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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