I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
