I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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