I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
