Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
