I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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