i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We left the knife in your bed.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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