i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My penis needs a shock collar
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
