So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
