I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
