she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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