OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize