its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
