Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
