I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
