Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Floor bacon is actually really good
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
