we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She bit a glass in half.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
