The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
