wrigley field is MILF paradise
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
