In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
