they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
