i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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