can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
