So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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