I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
