she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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