so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
