I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
