Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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