You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
