sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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