Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
