we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
