you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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