Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
