i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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