grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
