The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
