Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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