And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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