she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
