there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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