A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He shit in the fireplace
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
