Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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