At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
