Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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