Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
