hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
