Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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