What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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