my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
it glows. i had to have it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
