It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
