I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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