We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
