There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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