Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize