Four minutes until I can fart!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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