I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
