forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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