One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She's the barista slut.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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