is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
