I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
