So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize