Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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