How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
