Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
