I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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