The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she woke up with a sticky ear
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
