I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
