Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
